There’s a fine line between taking care of yourself and being inherently selfish.
Selfishness is not always overt. In fact, it often hides in subtle behaviors that psychology has come to recognize.
These behaviors are like warning signs that remove the individual’s self-centered mindset, often without even knowing it.
In this article, we’ll explore 10 of these subtle behaviors of selfish people. Let’s dive in and see what psychology has to say about these signs.
1) They rarely give credit where it’s due
Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to belittle the achievements of others?It’s not just a quirk, it’s a sign of innate selfishness.
Those who are inherently selfish tend to focus primarily on their own accomplishments, neglecting the contributions of others.
It’s as if they believe that recognizing someone else’s success can somehow diminish their own.
This behavior is a classic example of what psychologist Abraham Maslow called “deficit needs.”
When you meet someone who constantly fails to recognize the efforts or achievements of others, it may be because they are more focused on their own shortcomings and needs.
Appreciation goes a long way in building healthy relationships, but for the selfish person, this concept often remains elusive.
2) They have a knack for turning the conversation back on themselves
We all know that person, don’t we? One who can turn any conversation, no matter the topic, back to them.I remember a friend of mine who had this uncanny ability.
We’d be talking about a mutual friend’s new job, and suddenly we’d be talking about his own career accomplishments.
This self-centered behavior is another subtle sign of innate selfishness.It shows a lack of real interest in others and an overwhelming preoccupation with one’s own life.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said: “The most terrible thing is to fully accept oneself.”
Selfish individuals often engage in this behavior because they are inherently insecure and seek validation.
They struggle to accept themselves for who they are and use conversation as a way to constantly seek approval and validation.
The next time you’re in a conversation with someone who consistently shifts the focus, remember that it may be more than just a conversational habit.
3) They are stingy with their time
Have you ever felt that you are not worthy of someone’s time? It’s a terrible feeling, isn’t it? The truth is that selfish people are often stingy with their time, seeing it as a commodity that only they need to benefit from. reap.
I once had a colleague who was always too busy to help others.
Whether it was helping with a project or simply lending an ear to a colleague in need, he always had an excuse. His time was apparently too valuable to “waste” on others.
This stinginess stems from a self-centered view of the world. As the famous psychologist Gordon Allport once said, “There are so many entanglements in life that we have no other suitable sword than laughter.”
They lack the ability to laugh at life’s complications and instead hoard their time, fearing even the slightest inconvenience.
The lesson here is: if someone constantly makes you feel like you don’t deserve their time, it could be a sign of their inherent selfishness.
Don’t be afraid to distance yourself from such negativity.
4) They are quick to blame others
We’ve all met someone who never seems to take responsibility for their actions, haven’t we?I had a classmate in college who was always quick to point the finger when things went wrong.
Whether it was a failed group project or just a simple misunderstanding, it was always someone else’s fault.
This tendency to blame others and avoid personal responsibility is a clear sign of selfish behavior.
Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, once said: “The first requisite of civilization is justice.” But inherently selfish people often lack this sense of justice.
They are more focused on protecting their image than considering their own mistakes or the feelings of others.
5) They often play the victim
Here’s a bit of a curve ball.
You would assume that selfish people would always want to be seen as strong and independent, right?Well, oddly enough, they often resort to playing the victim.
I once knew a woman who always portrayed herself as the victim no matter what the situation. She seemed to thrive on the sympathy and attention it brought her.
This behavior is a form of manipulation. by playing the victim, selfish individuals can twist situations to fit their narrative and gain attention or avoid responsibility.
The famous psychologist Albert Bandura once said: “People don’t just gain understanding through reflection, they also value and change the way they think.”
Selfish people by nature often skip this self-reflection, instead choosing to paint themselves as victims to avoid facing their own shortcomings.
When you see someone constantly playing the victim, take a step back. It could very well be a sign of their innate selfishness.
6) They lack empathy
A clear sign of innate selfishness is a lack of empathy.Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, but this trait is often absent for egoists.
This lack of empathy means they struggle to see things from another’s perspective or share their feelings.
It’s not that they can’t, it’s more that they choose not to because it doesn’t serve their own interests.
The famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said: “Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are going through.”
Unfortunately, for egoistic individuals, it is not about understanding others; it’s all about them.
7) They are often jealous
Another surprising sign of innate selfishness is frequent envy.
It’s as if someone else’s happiness is somehow being taken away from them.
I remember a former colleague who was always jealous of other people’s success. If someone got a promotion, he would become sullen and distant, unable to share their joy.
This behavior is firmly rooted in selfishness. As the famous psychologist Alfred Adler says, “It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live by them.”
It’s easier to be jealous than to work on improving yourself or being happy for others.
It could be more than just competitiveness, it could be a sign of their innate selfishness.
8) They are too controlling
Selfish people by nature often need to control everything around them. It’s their way or the highway.
They struggle to compromise or consider the needs of others, which can make them difficult to deal with.
I have had personal experience with this.I once dated someone who wanted to control everything from our weekend plans to the way I dressed.
It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t about care or concern, but control rooted in selfishness.
Their need for control is an extension of their ego and self-centeredness.
The next time you encounter someone who seems overly controlling, remember that it may not be about the management or the organization. It may be a sign of their inherent selfishness.
9) They are extremely generous…conditionally
Here’s a counterintuitive one. initially selfish people can be extremely generous, but there is often a catch. Their generosity usually comes with strings attached.
Think of the person who always insists on picking up the tab, but then expects you to somehow return the favor. Or the friend who gives lavish gifts only to then hold it over your head.
This conditional generosity is a form of control and manipulation, and it is to serve their own interests.
As psychologist Erich Fromm once said, “Giving is the highest expression of power. . . . Giving is more joyful than receiving, not because it is a deprivation, but because in the act of giving it is an expression of my life.”
Unfortunately, for selfish individuals, this joy of giving is often tainted by their own selfish motives.
10) They are poor listeners
Have you ever tried to talk to someone who just doesn’t seem to listen? It’s frustrating, isn’t it?
This lack of active listening is another subtle sign of innate selfishness.
I remember a friend who was always on the phone when we talked. He would nod sometimes, but I could tell he wasn’t really listening.
It wasn’t that he was bad at multitasking; he simply did not value what others had to say as much as his own thoughts and actions.
Selfish people often believe that they have communicated effectively when in reality they have only heard their own voice.
If you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t seem to listen or value your opinion, it might not just be rude, it might be a telling sign of their inherent selfishness.