I have seen that it happens many times. Good people are pulled in situations that never wanted to say “yes” when they meant “no”.
Manipulation is not always obvious, and the truth is that some people are more vulnerable than others.
It usually descends to emotional properties. We will see ourselves, how we run the conflict, and what we want from our relationship. Some of us are tense to benefit others, while the manipulators are tense to use it.
If you have ever left the conversation, feeling that you agreed to something you didn’t fully wanted, or your emotions were used against you, this is for you.
Let’s talk about emotional traits that make someone easy target and more important, how to recognize them yourself?
1) Low self-esteem
People who doubt their own value are the main target of manipulation. When you don’t trust yourself, it’s easy to allow someone else to walk and tell you what to think, or even who should be.
Manipulators thrive to it. They know that if they can feel you need their approval, they can control your decisions.
They will plant little doubts, they will make you the second, and then they will turn into a “right” answer. One that benefits them.
If you constantly seek authentication from others or fight your own choice, be careful. The more you rely on someone else’s judgment, the easier it is to guide you in the direction that serves their interests.
2) High sympathy
Do you think that being kind and understanding will protect you from manipulation, but in reality it can do that?
When you naturally put yourself in other people’s shoes, you are more likely to justify bad behavior, justify red flags and manipulators to give the benefit of doubt.
They know that. They will play the victim, do not exaggerate their struggle and make you responsible for their happiness. And since you really care, you will hinder the backward, even when it is worth it.
Empathy is a beautiful thing, but if you are not careful, it can be used against you. Not everyone deserves your goodness, especially those who see it as a weakness of operation.
3) The fear of the conflict
I used to think that the conflict was peaceful, remaining consent, not leaving the boat. But the truth is manipulators love people who hate confrontation.
If you are afraid to voice, push back or say “no”, you are the type of person they can control.
They put you pressure on decisions, guilty of you in compliance and we will be counted on the fact that you will be soon uncomfortable. And before you know it, you say “yes” to the things you don’t want to avoid quarreling.
This is one thing I dive into the app break. How to cope with code dependence on your relationship. To what extent is the fear of conflict stuck in people’s unhealthy dynamics?
Set definition of boundaries does not mean to become aggressive. It means that it is sufficiently valuable to stand by them. Because if you don’t, someone else will determine those needs for you.
4) Excessive trust
I love believing in people in people. It makes life lighter, easier, until you run to a person who sees trust not as a gift, but a chance.
Manipulators do not always be in the shadows. They quickly build confidence, they feel safe, and then slowly begin to borders, knowing that you will not doubt their intentions.
As Ernest Hemingway said on time. “The best way to find out if you can trust someone.” But the hard part. Sometimes you find out they never deserve it in the first place.
Trust is important, but blind trust is dangerous. If you give it very easily, without allowing people to earn it, you give the keys to your decisions, emotions and even your reality. A little skepticism is not cynicism. It’s self-defense.
5) Necessity to approve
The longest time I thought I liked it was the same as it was appreciated. I wanted to be seen as useful, pleasant, easily. But when your sense of value depends on cheering others, you become an easy target manipulation.
Manipulators can experience when you approve. They know exactly what lines are praised to you when you do what they want to go out when you don’t.
And if you are not careful, you will start shaping your choice around everything that keeps them happy even at your own account.
It’s not a defect to be appreciated. But if someone only makes you ratify when it benefits it is not real confirmation. It’s control.
6) overthrow
I used to think that every little detailed analysis would protect me to manipulate. If I could think of enough things I would see the red flags before you become a problem. But with irony, failure can make you more vulnerable.
Manipulators love when you’re second to guess. They will only afford enough doubt to question you your own judgment, then offer their version of reality as a “logical” choice.
The more you overestimate, the easier it is for them to have thoughts in their direction.
Because Daril Marks put it. “I have had many worries in my life, most of whom never happened.” Torture does not always lead to clarity. It can lead to fluctuations, self-confidence and letting wrong people make decisions for you.
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7) Loneness
Loneliness makes you ignore things you would normally have not yet reconciled. When you are desperate for communication, red flags begin to look like yellow.
You tolerate manipulation, because you are afraid of being alone from the deep bottom.
Manipulators thrive to it. They know that if you make you feel special, you want to choose, you ignore the moments that don’t sit right. You will spoil their behavior because losing it feels cowardly than keeping them.
I’ve been there. I have made excuses for people because I didn’t want to go back to feeling alone. But here is the truth, the loneliness fades, but the damage allows the wrong person to last much longer.
The rest of control weight
Manipulation is not always loud. It doesn’t always come in the form of obvious deception or obvious lies. More often, it’s delicate, quietly pulling, slow erosion of your trust, your reality shift that happens so that you don’t even notice.
The truth is, we all have emotional properties that can work against us if we are not attentive. The need for approval, the fear of the conflict, none of them is typical. But when the wrong person knows them in you, they become control tools.
This is why the issues of self-consciousness. When you understand what makes you vulnerable you are taking your strength back. You stop letting others dictate your choice and start making them for you.
If it’s resonance with you, I highly recommend watching this video by Justin Brown.
He studies how the speed of modern life and the fast pace can make it more difficult for people in a meaningful way that often uses morely in unhealthy relations. His insights deeply reflect on what we have talked.
