There is a world of difference between wanting someone and needing them.
The difference lies in the qualities you value.Wanting someone can often be based on superficial qualities, while needing them goes deeper; it’s about discovering the rare qualities that make them indispensable to you.
Interestingly, psychology has a lot to say about what these rare traits should be.
According to psychologists, there are certain characteristics that your life partner should have. And believe me, it’s not about their looks or their earnings.
Here are seven rare traits to always look for in a life partner, according to psychology. These aren’t just desirable traits, they can make or break a relationship. So let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Emotional intelligence
The real world doesn’t work like a Hollywood movie.
The perfect partner is not about grand gestures or perfect looks. According to psychologists, one of the most important qualities for a life partner is emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is about understanding, managing, and effectively expressing one’s own emotions, as well as successfully engaging with and navigating the emotions of others.
Consider this. It’s the trait that helps your partner know when you’ve had a rough day and need some space, or when you’re ecstatic about a promotion and want to celebrate.
A high EQ individual can better manage conflict, communicate effectively, empathize with others, and overcome life’s challenges with a positive outlook.
This makes them perfect for the ups and downs that come with sharing a life together.
When it comes to finding a life partner, someone with high emotional intelligence can be a real game changer. They’re not just understanding, they’re your emotional rock.
2) genuine kindness
I have met many people in my time, but the one trait that has always stood out to me is genuine kindness.
In my twenties, I was in a relationship with someone who was incredibly successful and charismatic.On paper, they were the perfect partner.
But in reality they lacked basic goodness. They often put their needs before mine and rarely thought about how their actions affected me.
A few years ago I found myself in a relationship with someone completely different. They didn’t have the same level of success or charisma, but they were genuinely kind.
They went out of their way to make sure I was okay, always considered my feelings before making decisions, and actively did things to make me happy.
This experience taught me that kindness is not just about being kind, but about considering others before yourself.
Psychology backs this up, too.Studies have shown that kindness is linked to a number of benefits, including increased relationship satisfaction and longevity.
If you’re looking for a life partner, don’t overlook the power of simple, genuine kindness that can make all the difference.
3) Conflict resolution skills
Agree that disagreements are inevitable in any relationship.
But did you know that the way you and your partner manage those differences can be a predictor of the success of your relationship?
According to psychologist John Gottman, the ability to effectively resolve conflicts is one of the main factors in long-term relationship satisfaction.
He found that couples who approach disagreements with compassion, understanding, and effective communication are more likely to stay together than those who don’t.
When evaluating potential life partners, pay attention to how they handle conflict.
Do they listen to your point of view or reject it? Do they compromise or insist on getting their way?
Their approach to conflict resolution can give you a lot of insight into what your future with them might be like.
4) sense of humor
Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes the ability to laugh in the face of adversity can be the best coping mechanism.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying your life partner has to make jokes 24/7.
But a shared sense of humor can help you both navigate the tough times and make the good times even better.
A good laugh can act as a stress reliever, a mood booster, and a bond-setter. It’s the secret ingredient that keeps things light and cheerful, even in the face of life’s challenges.
5) loyalty
There were times in my past relationships where I felt that trust was broken.
It was not always about betrayal. sometimes it was about broken promises or not being there when I needed them most.
Loyalty is a rare trait to find, but it carries tremendous weight.
It’s more than just being loyal. it’s about being trustworthy, keeping your word, and standing by your partner.
When you have someone who shows you that they are loyal, who sticks with you through stormy days and doesn’t waver in their commitment, it creates a sense of security and trust.
It’s a reminder that no matter what life throws at you, you’re not alone, you have a partner standing by your side.
Pay attention to the signs of loyalty. It is one of the cornerstones of a strong, lasting relationship.
6) General values
It’s easy to fall in love with someone who’s attractive, fun, and exciting, but when the initial spark fades and reality sets in, it’s the shared values that keep the relationship going.
Values are like a compass that guides our lives. they determine our decisions, our actions, and ultimately our satisfaction with life.
When two people have similar values, they are more likely to have common life goals and compatible views on important issues.
This can range from ideas about family planning and money management to beliefs about personal growth and social issues.
Before entering into a relationship, take a moment to understand their values.
Ask yourself if they match yours, because at the end of the day, relationships aren’t just about love and attraction, but compatibility on a deeper level.
7) self-awareness
Perhaps the most important trait to look for in a life partner is self-awareness.
Self-awareness is about understanding your own emotions, strengths, weaknesses, motivations, values, and goals. It’s about knowing who you are at your core and being comfortable with that.
A self-aware person can recognize their mistakes and learn from them. They can understand their emotions and manage them effectively. They are aware of their strengths and how to best use them.
They are not perfect, but they strive to grow and improve.
When your partner is self-aware, they can contribute more positively to the relationship because they understand themselves and how their actions affect others.
It leads to better communication, improved conflict resolution, and overall healthier relationships.
Final thoughts. it’s beyond the surface
The dynamics of human relationships are complex and deeply personal.
One such complication is the process of finding a life partner.It’s not just about common hobbies, physical attraction, or even surface-level compatibility.
It’s about those rare features that stand the test of time.
These traits—emotional intelligence, genuine kindness, conflict resolution skills, a sense of humor, loyalty, shared values, and self-awareness—are not just desirable.
They are essential to a healthy and lasting relationship.
The famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said: “The interesting paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change.”
This quote beautifully sums up the power of self-awareness, one of the key traits we’ve been discussing.
Look beyond the surface when looking for a life partner.Look for these rare qualities.
It is these qualities that will carry you and your partner through the twists and turns of life and make your journey together truly perfect.