It’s a curious thing, isn’t it? As children, friends were as simple as a toy or fun joking on the playground. But now, as an adult, it can feel a monumental task.
Why does it seem much more complicated? Why does it feel that we are trying to solve Rubik’s cube in the dark?
Psychology suggests interesting ideas about why friendship as an adult, it feels harder than.
And while it may not be so easy to share your favorite toy at the playground, understanding these psychological aspects, can just make the process a little more manageable.
After all, we are all equalizing our real identities with our realities and relations, and it also includes our friendship.
1) It is not, it is the circumstances
According to psychologists, one of the biggest reasons we are struggling to make friends, because our circumstances have changed.
When we were children, we were almost constantly surrounded by other children at school, playlist, sports teams.
This gave us a lot of opportunities to meet new people and establish relationships.
But, like adults, these opportunities are decreasing as a job, family responsibilities, personal obligations, central stage.
Famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said: “What is most individual is more universal.”
This is especially true when it comes to the struggle to create adult friends. You don’t feel alone to feel this way.
The good news.
Realizing that the circumstances have changed, and they do not have to make friends, the first step towards finding new methods and environments, where you can develop a meaningful friendship.
2) We have become more selective
I remember when I was a child, I could be friends with almost all those who would share their toys with me. But as an adult, it feels like I raised the bar, whom I want to be friends with.
And that’s not just me. According to psychology, because we are at age, we tend to become more elective in our friendship.
We are looking for more than just common interests or hobbies; We are looking for emotional depth, understanding and mutual respect.
Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once said: “We can set therapy as a value search.” In many ways, this also applies to our friendships.
As adults, we are actually looking for relationships that value our lives are valid, and it takes time and the right people.
So, yes, being friends, it can be more difficult, because we have become more selective.
But on the clogged side, it means that a friendship we do will probably be richer and more rewarding.
3) the fear of rejection
Let’s be honest who enjoys the sting of rejection. It’s a hard pill to swallow at any age, but as an adult seems to be harder.
The fear of refusal can keep us from reaching out and having new connections.
We can worry about getting out as desperate or needy, or we can be afraid of inconvenience if it doesn’t give everything.
Like Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, when he said once. “We are never so defenseless against suffering when we love.” This can be real for platon love.
Fear of possible injuries can make it difficult to make new friends.
But remember this, it’s good to be vulnerable. It’s good to put you there. Because the gift of finding a true friend is worth the risk.
4) We’re all busy
As adults, it feels our to do is endless. It is not surprising to make new friends an insurmountable task among the period of labor obligations, family responsibilities, personal responsibilities.
In fact, a study found that it takes about 200 hours, which is held together to form a close friendship.
This is a significant contribution, especially for adults that break various responsibilities.
The reality is that forcing friends is not only about finding the right people, it’s time.
But don’t let it desperate. The beauty of adult friendship is that they can shape all sorts of places from your workplace to your Yoga class to your local coffee shop.
Everything is about when they occur for these opportunities.
5) Priority of existing relationships
Let’s accept that keeping friendship takes effort. And when we already have a circle of friends and family, it can feel that little energy has been left to develop new relationships.
I definitely found it in situations where I had to choose to catch up with an old friend and to meet someone new. And more often than not, the comfort of familiar victories.
As a famous psychologist Erich said wisely. “Man is the only animal for which his existence is a problem he must solve.”
As adults, we are constantly breaking our responsibilities, our wishes and our relationship.
But keep in mind that expanding your social circle does not mean ignoring your existing relationship.
It’s about finding the balance where you can cherish the old one by greeting the new one.
6) Our fear of being ourselves to be
Now it may seem strange. You will think when we grow, we become more comfortable with our own skin.
But it is interesting that the opposite can be true when it comes to friendshiping adults.
We can be afraid that our quarter, our opinion, or our past could restrain their best friends. We may find that we put a person to fit or like being.
But as a Carl Jung, one of the most influential psychologists, when he announced once. “The privilege of life is to become who you really are.”
Surprisingly, this is this fear that can prevent us from creating authentic friends. After all, they are true friends who accept and appreciate us who we are sweating and all.
Let’s dare to be ourselves. It can just make it easier to make friends as an adult.
7) Lack of self-confidence
Finally, our own doubts can reach the way. We can question our merit, our approval or being a good friend.
However, as the famous psychologist Albert Bandura has stated: “In order to succeed, people need self-efficacy.”
In other words, believe in yourself. You have what you need to make meaningful friendships at any age. Trust your ability to connect and relate to others.
After all, everyone sails the same complex adult world just like you.
Final reflections
The journey of creating adult friends can often feel as a winding road filled with unexpected bypass and stumps.
It can be complex, difficult, and sometimes sincere disappointing.
But remember that this struggle is not unique to you. They are the universal part of human experience through which we are all sailing.
Understanding one of the underlying psychological reasons can offer some comfort and even arm us with strategies to overcome these obstacles.
In the end, we are talking about the dose of patience, authenticity and self-confidence.
It’s about cherishing friends that we are open to friendship that is not yet formed.
So, here is the complexity of adult friendship. Can we navigate it with grace, understanding and open heart?