I believed I would never say anything that could emotionally damaged my children. I imagined myself as a parent of everlasting who always knew the perfect way to respond.
Then there was real life. Sleepless nights, a career that required energy, I didn’t have, and my own stress sometimes led to words that I want to take back.
It’s fun how it seems like a minor that can stay in the mind of a child for years.
Psychologists often remind us that children depend more on our words than we realize. Even a small comment, it says, passes, can shape how they watch themselves and the world.
It may seem serious, but it becomes more intentionally for us to become more intentional how we communicate.
Below are seven common statements we can not think twice, but can leave an amazing sign on our children according to the experience of psychology and my life.
1: “Stop crying, you’re fine.”
It is natural to feel inflamed when your child throws tears on a small thing as broken ham or drop cookie.
I’ve been there, I’m in a hurry to calm down the fastest possible way.
“Stop crying, you are good.” Can slip, meant to calm, or just spray the chase before its spirals out of control.
But the children often interpret it as their feelings of their feelings.
According to American Psychological Association (APA)Recognition of the child’s emotions is an important step to help them develop emotional flexibility.
Mogletti can be approached. “I see you are upset. Let’s find it together. ”
That way you authenticate their experience and teach them how to develop hard emotions.
It is a small shift that can make a big impact on their safety and self-esteem.
2. “You’re so smart.”
Praising your child as a “smart” can feel the promotion of great confidence, but psychologist research Caroly suggests that this may inadvertently lead to a fixed mindset.
I remember telling my own child, after he passed a spelling exam. I wanted him to feel proud.
However, when he was later struggling with another subject, he fluctuated to ask for help. He was worried that I would lose that “smart” label.
Downloading overcrowding can keep children to embrace new challenges.
Growth approach approach, where you focus on their efforts and determination, teaches them to see obstacles as opportunities to learn.
“I am proud to make how much effort you make,” says the process than the result.
Such small adjustments can encourage stability and promote healthy self-confidence.
3. “You have to be more like your sister.”
Comparisons often slip when we try to motivate children.
I have heard that parents say it with the best intentions. Perhaps sisters are more focused or more disciplined.
However, children usually interpret these words as, “You are not good enough.” When I have seen sisters and sisters against each other, there are always tense tension and annoyance.
Agreeable LackComparing children can cause jealous and long competition. It also reduces their sense of personality.
Children bloom when they are recognized for their unique strengths and challenges.
It is a better approach to highlighting their personal growth. Instead of drawing comparisons, zero.
Reminding them that everyone has different talents that stimulate a more supportive environment at home and help each child be assessed to who they are.
4. “Be a sensitive.”
I thought I helped my child to “tighten” or “not be so sensitive.”
It was designed to prepare them with life’s beads and bruises. But it pushes back.
My child was reluctant to share the emotional struggle, fearing that I would mean “extremely emotional”.
Psychologists Emphasize that parents need to make their children feel loved, listen and validate.
When we brush the child’s emotional expression, we basically say their feelings are invalid.
It is a more powerful way to answer. “I notice that they are really strong now. Let’s talk about it. “
Which opens a door for communication, validating their experience without creating a shame around it.
Over time, this approach helps them develop more comfortable and express emotions in a healthy way.
5. “I’m disappointed in you.”
I remember one evening when I told my son when he ignored his work again.
My patience wore thin, and I supposed to tell him how disappointed I was when he was a job.
Instead, it seemed like sparks dried out of eyes. He apologized quickly and went out, made clear pain.
Telling your disappointed children can feel the heavy emotional load of their shoulders.
They internallyize that shame, thinking that they failed you as a person, not only that they had a bad choice.
Expressing disappointment without constructive guidance often causes more damage than good.
A more effective approach can be. “Let’s talk about what happened and how can you fix it?”
This shift is in the center of the emphasis away from shame and problem solution that can maintain their self-esteem.
6: “It’s nothing to worry about.”
Sometimes our children come to us with concerns that seem small in the great scheme of things. I have worsened some worries with the chance or “It’s nothing about stress.”
I think I was trying to raise their burden. But it often led them to dismissed as their worries were not valid.
Children rely on us to teach them how to rise and decline in life.
According to Institute of Mind’s mindIt is the best way to do this, to resist yourself and let them know that you can feel their fears and feel less worried about time.
The supportive answer sounds more, “I hear that you are worried, let’s find out to handle it.”
That conversation invites them to share more about what is happening in the head. It is after recognizing their fears, they are most likely to feel safe through possible solutions to you.
7 “” Because I said so. “
This was my expression for some time, especially when I needed conformity immediately. It’s fast, reputable and ends the argument.
Except nothing ends.
I noticed that my children finally stopped asking questions, not because they understood my justification, but because they felt that they had no sense to communicate.
“Because I said so” can curb the curiosity and discourage the meaning of the child’s autonomy. CIDs bloom when they know “Why” behind the rules or instructions.
They are more cooperative and engaged when they understand the reason, even if it doesn’t always like.
Instead of housing, there may be a clearer statement. “We have to leave now to go home before.” It gives context and shows that there is a logical reason for what he asks.
In time, that stimulates respect and understanding.
Wrapper
It can feel overwhelming that we realize that we use expressions that can rest calm our children’s trust or emotional well-being.
At the same time, it is an opportunity to grow, not only for them, but also our parents. Even small sanctures on how we can make things a big movement in the dynamics of a parent-child.
If you have recognized any of these comments in your own parenthood, you are already on the right track, being aware of their impact.
One exercise I find useful is the newsletter. Write in any contact with your child, maybe it was a rushed morning or a tense housework.
Then ponder how you can turn to it differently. This does not mean that we will never slip again, but it allows us to review those moments and learn from them.
The ultimate goal is not to improve. We are talking about building an environment where our children feel, listen and respect their development.
By choosing our words with more mind, we dedicate a strong emotional basis to our children.
And on the way we, we become more compassionate, empathicians.