There’s a fine line between being memorable and being forgettable, especially when it comes to dating.
As the founder of the Love Connection blog and your relationship expert, I’ve seen it all.
That includes men who just can’t seem to earn that second date no matter how hard they try.
Dating is an art form. It’s all about understanding the other person, bringing out your best self, and knowing how to navigate the tricky waters of romance.
And it’s often those subtle behaviors that can make or break that coveted second date.
Below are insights gleaned from years of experience and countless relationship stories, both successful and not so successful.
1) Excessive self-confidence, borderline arrogance
It’s interesting to watch the date dance.The movements, the looks, the words exchanged all contribute to the overall impression a person makes.
And in my experience as a relationship expert, I’ve noticed an interesting pattern.
Men fighting for that second date often exhibit behaviors that can be a deal breaker; overconfidence bordering on arrogance.
You might think that projecting confidence is attractive, and in many cases it is.
Confidence can be really attractive, but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and crossing it can turn off your date faster than you can say “Check it out.”
Arrogance can make your date feel undervalued or neglected. It sends the message that you think you’re superior in some way, and that’s not an attractive quality to most people.
2) Poor listening skills
I can’t stress enough how important it is to be a good listener in dating.
I have always believed in Stephen R. To the wise words of Covey, who once said: “Most people do not listen with the intention of understanding. they listen with the intention of answering.”
This is true in many aspects of life, but especially so in dating. I’ve noticed that men who struggle to land that second date often fall into this trap.
They are so focused on what they are going to say next or how they are going to impress their date that they fail to really listen.
The result: A one-way conversation where their date may seem unheard or ignored.
Dating is about getting to know each other. It’s not just about showing off your wits or charm. It’s about showing genuine interest in your date and what they have to say.
So my advice: Slow down, pay attention, and really listen.
Show them that you value their thoughts and opinions. it can make the difference between a dull first date and an exciting second date.
3) Lack of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is something I talk about quite a bit in my book Breaking the Attachment:
In fact, I devoted an entire chapter to it, emphasizing its importance in developing healthy, fulfilling relationships.
But what is emotional intelligence? It’s the ability to understand and manage your own emotions and those of others. It’s about empathy, self-awareness, and emotional regulation.
Men who often struggle to get a second date usually have one thing in common: a lack of emotional intelligence.
They may have difficulty reading their date’s emotions or responding appropriately to them.
Or they may react impulsively, letting their emotions dictate their actions without considering their date’s feelings.
Developing emotional intelligence is a journey that requires commitment and patience.
But it’s also an invaluable tool for creating meaningful connections with others.
So if you’re looking for practical tips on how to improve your emotional intelligence, consider reading my book.
Not only will you learn more about codependency, but how to develop emotional intelligence that can pave the way for more successful dating and relationships.
4) Being too nice
Contrary to popular belief, always agreeing with your date is not a surefire way to win them over.In fact, it can have the opposite effect.
Being nice might seem like a good strategy, after all, who doesn’t like someone who shares the same opinion, right?
But here is the twist. constant agreement can be disingenuous or even boring.It can make your date question whether you have a personality or your own opinions.
Dating is about getting to know each other, and that includes understanding each other’s unique perspectives.
It does not promote consent for the sake of consent. Instead, it creates a shallow interaction that lacks depth and authenticity.
So don’t shy away from sharing your thoughts, even if they differ from your date’s. Respectful disagreements can lead to stimulating conversations and can show off your personality.
Just remember to express your opinion respectfully.After all, it’s not about winning the argument, it’s about understanding each other better.
5) not being in the moment
As someone who is always juggling multiple things, I understand how easy it is to get distracted, but when you’re on a date, it’s so important to be present and present.
Nothing kills the mood faster than a date who is physically there but mentally somewhere else.
Whether it’s constantly checking your phone, looking around the room, or just seeming distracted, this behavior can make your date feel unimportant and ignored.
Your date has taken the time to spend with you.They deserve your full attention and respect.
Plus, you might miss the little details that make them special and wonderful if you’re not fully present.
6) Avoiding vulnerability
Let’s be real here, dating isn’t all about fun and games, it’s also about vulnerability.
It’s about opening up and letting someone see you—the real you, not just the polished, date-ready version.
Men struggling to get a second date often avoid showing vulnerability.
They put on a brave front, trying to look as “perfect” as possible. But here is the raw truth. Perfection is not what people are looking for in dating. They are looking for authenticity.
Hiding behind a facade prevents your date from connecting with you on a deeper level.It keeps them at arm’s length, preventing a real connection from forming.
So don’t be afraid to show your softer side or share personal stories. it makes you human.
And being human, with all its flaws, is what makes us relatable and lovable to others.
7) Neglecting self-care
In my experience, men who often struggle to land that second date tend to neglect self-care.
They don’t see their worth and it seeps into their behavior, subtly affecting their date’s perception.
Self-care isn’t just about pampering yourself with a spa day or a fancy meal.
It’s about valuing yourself, maintaining your physical health, and maintaining your mental and emotional well-being.
It’s about realizing that you deserve respect and kindness, both from others and from yourself.
When you prioritize self-care, it shows. You radiate positivity and confidence, which is very attractive. Also, when you value yourself, it determines how others value you as well.
8) Ignoring red flags
I will be brutally honest here. sometimes the person you’re dating just isn’t right for you, and no matter how hard you try to make it work, it won’t work unless both parties are on the same page.
Men who don’t go on second dates often ignore red flags. They can be so focused on making a good impression that they ignore signs of incompatibility.
Or they may reject their date’s actions or words that indicate a lack of interest.
Ignoring red flags isn’t fair to either party. It creates false expectations and can lead to disappointment. It’s important to recognize and acknowledge when things don’t work out.
Be on the lookout for those red flags and be honest with yourself when they appear. It can save you a lot of heartache in the future.
For more insight and practical tips on relationships and dating, check out my book Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Cohesion in Your Relationship.
It’s packed with helpful tips and strategies to help you navigate the often confusing world of dating and relationships.
And remember, dating is supposed to be fun, so relax, be yourself, and enjoy the process.