Narcissists have a hard time accepting defeat, especially in arguments.
Their ego’s need to maintain control and superiority often leads them to use manipulative tactics when they feel they are losing.
Recognizing these behaviors can help anyone stay calm and avoid getting caught up in their game.
Here are eight things a narcissist will do when they realize they’re losing an argument, and how to confidently handle these situations.
1) They get distracted
Deviation is a key move of a narcissist.
When they feel backed into a corner, when their arguments are collapsing, they will instinctively deflect.
They will distract themselves, steer the conversation to a completely different topic, or even launch a personal attack against the person to avoid admitting defeat.
It’s like a magic trick. while they’re still trying to figure out what happened, they’ve already moved on to a new feud where they’ve regained control.
Confusing isn’t it, but that’s how the narcissist’s mind works.
It’s a complex maze of self-preservation techniques, and distraction is their first line of defense.
2) They play the victim
Oh, victim card. a classic move in the narcissist’s playbook.
I remember a heated discussion with a friend who happened to be a narcissist.
When I started to win the argument, he suddenly became the victim.
She claimed that I was attacking her personally, that I was too aggressive, and she felt targeted.
He even recounted past instances where he had felt “upset” with me, instances that had absolutely nothing to do with our current discussion.
It was an unexpected shift that threw me.
Instead of accepting defeat, he turned the tables and made himself the victim.
That’s exactly what narcissists do when they lose an argument. they present themselves as the innocent party under attack in order to shift blame and regain control.
3) They burn gas
Gaslighting is a term that has been thrown around a lot lately.
It’s straight out of the narcissist’s arsenal and is a form of psychological manipulation where they make people question their own reality.
In an argument, when a narcissist feels defeated, they will subtly distort the facts, twist their words, and even deny what happened.
This is an attempt to create a new reality where they don’t lose the argument.
In fact, the term “gaslighting” comes from a 1938 play called “Gaslighting,” in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is going mad; that’s how far back this behavior goes.
4) They design
Projection is another common tactic used by narcissists when they are on the losing side of an argument.
They tend to project their insecurities, failures, and wrongdoings onto the person they are arguing with.
If they have done something wrong, they will blame the person for doing it. if they feel insecure about something, they point out that insecurity in themselves.
It’s a confusing and disorienting strategy designed to throw them off balance.
Basically, they mirror their problems onto the person.
The next time someone finds themselves being blamed for something completely unexpected in an argument with a narcissist, know that it’s the narcissist and their attempt to shift the blame.
5) They speculate
For narcissists, manipulation is second nature. when they lose ground in an argument, they intensify their manipulation tactics.
I have experienced this personally more times than I care to admit.
Just when I think I’ve turned them around with logic and facts, they somehow manage to twist the narrative, making me question my own position.
They use guilt, flattery, or emotional blackmail to reassert whatever they need.
I’ve been made to feel guilty for my stance, praised for my “understanding” when I’ve backed down, and even emotionally blackmailed into letting them have their way.
It’s a cunning game that requires a discerning eye, but once one does, it’s easier to stay strong and not be swayed by their manipulative tactics.
6) They agree, but not really
Here is a complicated thing. Sometimes when a narcissist sees that they are losing an argument, they may suddenly seem to agree with someone, but don’t be fooled.
This is not true consent because it is a calculated move to disarm the person, to lower their guard.
They will concede, seemingly admitting they are right, only to later backtrack or twist their words to fit their narrative.
Remember, it’s just another tactic on their board to regain control.
7) release
When a narcissist loses an argument, they may resort to dismissing the argument altogether.
They will trivialize the issue, making it unimportant or irrelevant.
“It’s not a big deal” or “Why are we even arguing about this?” are common phrases they use.
The goal here is to invalidate the person’s concerns and make them feel that they are exaggerated.
By ignoring the argument, they avoid responsibility and avoid admitting defeat.
This is a clever move that is often overlooked because it can seem like a logical end to a heated discussion.
8) They never really give up
Here is the ultimate truth. A narcissist will never honestly admit that they have lost an argument, no matter how clear the evidence is against them.
It is not in their nature to admit defeat or admit their mistakes.
Instead, they’ll use every tactic — distraction, victimization, gaslighting, projection, manipulation, false consent, and dismissal — just to avoid that confession.
Narcissists’ need to always be right is deeply ingrained in their personality.
Understanding this is critical when dealing with a narcissist in any conflict situation.
Understanding the narcissistic mind
In summing this up, I want people to remember that understanding the mind of a narcissist is gaining insight into a complex and often misunderstood personality type.
Recognizing these tactics: deflection, playing the victim, gaslighting, projection, manipulation, false consent, dismissal, and never really giving in is the first step to dealing effectively with a narcissist.
It’s about being aware of their moves and not letting them sway anyone from the truth.
These tactics are not about a specific person, as they reflect the narcissist’s own internal struggle with their self-worth and sense of control.
As the Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu once said, “The greatest victory is that which requires no struggle.”
When dealing with a narcissist, sometimes the wisest course of action is to not engage at all.
Keep this in mind as we navigate the complex labyrinth of the narcissist’s mind.
It is a journey of understanding and awareness that can be as enlightening as it is challenging.