I always envy people who seem to be moving easily through social situations.
You know, those who do not reproduce every conversation in their heads a hundred times.
For those of us who secretly overthrow each interaction, even casual conversations may feel like demining.
I have said something wrong. Thought I was uncomfortable. Should I laugh less … or more?
In time, I realized that the failers tend to have some delicate habits that we do without even realizing it.
And while they can be obvious to others, they tell the signs of mind that will simply not allow.
Here are some of these customs, see if you know yourself in any of them.
1) They re-release conversations in the head
Have you ever found lying in bed, passing earlier conversations during the day, analyzing every little detail?
Yes, the overturns do it a lot.
We just don’t feel social interactions. We are eliminating them by taking what we say, as we said, and how the other man responded.
Was it a joke? Have they been annoyed? Should I express it differently?
It’s like having an instant duplicate button in our brains we can’t turn off.
And the worst part. Most of the time, no one even remembers the conversation, but we still think about it.
2) before sending them to text messages
I can’t tell you how many times I printed a simple text, it looked very long, then rewrapped five different ways.
Even the main thing as “sounds good.” Can send me a failure mode.
Should I add an exclamation point to be more enthusiastic? Or that will go out as much. Maybe just “sound good” without punctuation … But wait if it sounds cold.
And don’t even start starting me on the panic that defines when I see the other person starts entering … and then stop.
What would they say? Did I say something strange? Do they review our whole friendship?
Meanwhile, the other person probably sent their message without a second thought and moved with their day.
But even the texts can even feel like a high stake game for the failure.
3) They assume that people are mad at them
If someone takes a little longer than usual to respond to the message or seems normal than normal, the more stunning brain immediately jumps into one conclusion. They must be mad at me.
Even when there is no actual reason for believing anything, the failers tend to fill in the worst scenarios.
This is often associated with something called negative bias, which will focus more on our brain on negative experience.
So instead of assuming someone, instead of having a vacation, the failure will start reproducing the most recent interaction, searching for something they can make mistakes.
And until they don’t get to, that restless feeling does not leave.
4) They re-equip the conversations before they take place
Before making a phone call, ordering or even a casual conversation in a restaurant, deep people often often go through the whole interaction of their heads.
They are mental in scenario what they are going to say to expect possible answers, and even prepare different ways that will respond simply.
Purpose.
To avoid inconvenience, after saying, or something that will later regret.
Of course, real conversations are rare, as planned. But it doesn’t stop it from failing, trying to be ready for every possible scenario, no matter how small interaction is.
5) They apologize even when you don’t have to
It is the posthkerers tend to “Sorry” more than it is not necessary, not because they actually did something, but because they don’t want to risk anyone.
They apologize for things that are not their fault to take space to talk, or even the moment when someone else seems to be insignificant.
It comes to maintain peace and avoid a deep desire to avoid conflict, even at the cost of their trust.
But ask for a constant apology, it can send the wrong message not only to others, but themselves.
Because how much someone says “Sorry” when they did nothing bad, the more they start to believe that they are always guilty. And no one deserves to wear that weight.
6) they second assume simple decisions
Even the smallest choice can feel overwhelming.
Taking a restaurant by choosing a room place or deciding how to answer the accidental question. Everyone has an internal debate that feels much greater than himself.
What if I choose the wrong place and no one enjoys it? What if I sit somewhere that makes me uncomfortable? What if my answer looks weird and they think I’m boring or uninteresting?
At one time, the decision was finally done, the moment that should have been clear has already become exhaustive. And even then, it often doubts you wonder if another choice would be better.
7) They read a lot in tone and wording
A short answer, a slightly delayed response or message without Emiv, these are all things that can analyze more.
Do they look different than usual? Were away. I did something wrong.
Instead of accepting words in the face of the face, the overthrows are prone to solve every detail, looking for hidden meanings that are not often there.
The irony is that most people send a message without giving them a second thought.
But even the smallest movement of tone can even feel like a sign that something is turned off, even when everything is perfect.
8) They worry about being a burden for others
No matter how much someone assures them, the overturns often frighten that they are too much needy, too sensitive to be very sensitive.
They are hesitant before asking for help, apologizing to express their feelings, and sometimes they leave to avoid the opportunity to be a load.
Even when people care about them, it is difficult to shake the anxiety that one wrong step can remove them.
Instead, they keep the emotions of bottling inside, lowering their needs and better than they don’t want to worry anyone.
The mind can be his worst critic
The human brain is tense for survival, which means that it constantly scans possible threats, even in social situations.
For more than sprayers, this can translate the danger, where there is no one, starting the neutral moments, and keep worries after all other.
Psychologists refer to something called in the spotlight. The tendency to believe people pay more attention from us than in reality.
In fact, most people are too focused on their thoughts and concerns to study every word or action we have created.
It does not mean that the failure is easy to turn off.
But sometimes the fulfillment of the most release is this. The things we change in our heads, awkward moments we think of most of us were not even observed by anyone.