Trust is one of the things that is easy to talk, but it’s much harder to live.
You want to let people believe they have good intentions to feel safe in your relationship. But inside something is holding you back. Even when there is no real reason to doubt someone, that hesitant.
It’s disappointing because deep down, you know that not everyone has hindered you. And yet, trusting others still risk that you are not sure you can afford to take.
Truth is that fighting with trust is usually about what other people do or don’t do. It often comes from fear that you don’t even realize that you have fears that form relationships, communication and even yourself.
If trusting others has always been difficult for you, psychology shows that it can be related to these hidden fears. After recognizing them, you can start to get rid of the patterns that keep you with.
1) Have you been injured before and you don’t want to risk again
Trust doesn’t just disappear on my own, it usually fades after you get down, betray or disappointed many times.
Maybe someone you care about broke your trust just like you haven’t seen it. Or maybe it was not just one big betrayal, but a number of smaller who added over time.
In any case, the pain of the past experience makes it difficult to believe that this time will different. Even when you meet people who look trustworthy, some of you keep your guard because you don’t want to go to those injuries again.
But the problem is that when you always expect people to allow you, you never give them a chance to prove that they will not be able to. And trying to protect yourself, you can turn off the connections that can help rebuild your trust.
2) You assume that people have hidden motives
After previously injured it is difficult to take things to the face value. Even when someone does something or shows a real interest in you, a little voice whispers in your head. “What do they really want?”
I know this feeling very well. A few years ago I entered a man who always seemed to be there for me. They listened, they supported me and forced me to feel that I could trust them.
But when I finally let my guard down, I realized that they were only standing because I needed something from me. The moment I was no longer useful for them, they disappeared.
Since then, I have been caught interrogating people’s intentions even when there is no real reason to question them. Instead of accepting goodness as a reality, I start to catch catch.
It’s exhausting, but when you have been blinded before, it feels safer to assume that everyone is agenda, not a risk application.
3) You are afraid that trusting others makes you weak
“To find out the best way, how can you trust someone to trust them?”
– Ernest Hemingway
It sounds simple, but if you have struggled with trust, it is likely to feel impossible. Trusting someone means to be hurt yourself and it can feel your strength.
Somewhere on the road, you may have learned that being extremely trustworthy makes you naive or vulnerable. Maybe you have seen others use it, or you may have been in a situation when trusting the wrong person allowed you to be powerless.
But keeping your guard constantly doesn’t make you stronger. It just isolating you. Trust does not apply to being blind to reality. It’s about to know that not everyone deserves it, some people.
And as long as you are not ready to take that risk, you will never know who they are.
4) Do you believe people are only looking for themselves
Trust becomes almost impossible when you see the world as a place where everyone is for their own interests. If you have ever experienced that no one really cares unless there’s something for them you are not alone.
Studies have shown that people who are experienced by treason or neglect, which have in early life life, are more likely to develop a worldview where trust feels insecure.
The brain begins to connect trust with danger, feeling smarter so that others only actually have their own interest.
It is a defensive mechanism and makes sense at some level. But not everyone is tense in that way. While some people use others, many things are designed, because they really care, not they are looking for something instead.
When you think real generosity does not exist, you can put an end, pushing the people who are wrong to prove.
5) Do you think that the need for others will be only frustration
Relying on people feels risky when you learned that they may not be there when they need them most.
Maybe you grew up in an environment where people who had to support you were not so reliable as they were to be.
Or maybe over the years you have promised to tell you only to allow you when it’s most important.
In any case, exemplary sticks. You start to believe that if you trust anyone, you can’t be disappointed. Independence becomes not only power but a necessity, because counting on others feels that it fits yourself for failure.
But disabling people does not stop the need for communication. It just lets you wear everything alone, even when there are people who will gladly raise weight.
6) Do you worry that if people see the real one, they will leave
Confidence only to believe that others will not betray you, it also refers to believe that you deserve trust.
If you have ever caught yourself, you are afraid of those who you are, you are afraid to be able to remove people, that fear can be at work.
Maybe in the past, when you opened it didn’t work well. Maybe someone made you feel your thoughts, feelings or struggle too much.
In time, this can create a habit of keeping people safe away. You let them see the parts that feel acceptable but hiding the rest. Because if they don’t everyone see they can’t reject you, isn’t it?
The problem is that real trust cannot exist without honesty. And if you never let anyone really know you, you will always feel lonely, even in the closest relationship.
7) You feel safer when you control
Leaving control means believing in other people, and it can feel terrible when trust has never easily come to you.
If you have ever been in a situation where things are divided into someone else’s choice, you can know the only way to protect yourself in a relationship.
If you decide to make decisions, calling shots and pay close attention to everything, then you will not blindly blindly.
But trying to control everything means never to rest fully. This means that the second guesses people’s actions, superlecting their words and sometimes even pull before they have the opportunity to afford.
It’s exhausting, but when confidence feels too big, control can feel the only way to stay safe.
8) You are not fully trusting yourself
The problems underlying all the trust are often more deeply doubted in your own judgment.
If you have been betrayed, manipulated or descended before it’s just other people you start questioning. You start questioning yourself.
Why didn’t I see it coming? Why did you believe them? How could I get so wrong?
Such self-confidence leaves a long mark. It makes you hypocritical, always by second-guessing you make the right choice about who is in.
And if you don’t trust yourself to know when someone is really trustworthy, it’s easier to feel just not trust anyone.
But trust does not have a guarantee that no one will ever hurt you again. It’s about knowing that even if they do, you’ll be fine because you know yourself well enough to handle it.
Bottom line
Trusting others is not just about them. It’s about what is happening inside you. If these fears resonate it is not a sign that you are broken. It is a sign that your mind tries to protect you, even if that protection is gone at a price.
Treatment of trust does not mean to trust everyone blindly. It means first to learn to trust yourself. It means when the fear runs your decisions and when your intuition performs a real idea.
Trust is not about guarantees. It’s about courage. And the more you build trust inside you, the more you can open those who really deserve it.