Sometimes the most excited comments are not packaged in rough insults. They are all wrapped in a smile and the so-called kindness dose. Over the years, I have witnessed my job as a relationship consultant in this countless period.
I have heard that customers say they will be directly criticized than decoding a messy, sweet sound that feels uncertain hostile. For a moment, do you think the conversation is going well, and next, you are left to scratch your head, wondering.
I often admire how some of the most passive comments are the best. These words have a unique bite, because it is difficult to call them without extremely sensitive.
So let’s destroy the seven of these concers’ compliments or “friendly remarks.” I promise that it will help you to recognize them faster in the future and find out how to respond to the fact that it respects your own well-being.
Before entering the seven statements, just divorce that this topic reminds me of a brown quotation of Brensch, which I love. “Simplicity is kindness.” In many ways, passive aggression is the ultimate meaninglessness. It is enmity of sugar, leaving you guess than to offer honest truth.
Hope is that you will be better equipped with this post to accommodate these delicate chandeliers and deal with them.
Let’s dive.
1: “I’m just joking to rest.”
I hear so often. A friend or partner would say something that bites, react, and they answer, saying you to enlighten you. It is a neat little protection mechanism. They can leave some potentially harmful, then key and act as you are too sensitive to worry.
Have you ever noticed how a “joke” often gives land to your account? It’s like a person’s goals, fires, and then when you call them out, “Oh, it was just a joke.” It leaves you suspect your own feelings. I am exaggerating. Maybe I have to brighten up.
The people behind this thought are standing in it, noting that passive aggressive behavior often derives from the inability to express anger or disappointment. Someone can hide behind humor because they fight to communicate openly.
Personally, I found that the best answer is quiet, “I know you are kidding, but it doesn’t feel good yet.” That way, you accept their statement without allowing you to silence manipulation.
2. “I’m sorry you feel like that.”
This statement has a strange knife to vote polite when it gently rejects your prospect. It puts blame on your feelings than to take responsibility for any crime.
I have seen customers therapy therapy stuck on this phrase. A partner is really damaged, and the other says: “I’m sorry to feel that way” as if pain is only in the minds of an offended partner.
It’s not the same as a real apology that can be sounded, “I’m sorry, my words were offended. I will try to be more careful. ” Instead, it focuses on the emotional reaction of the other person. Not surprisingly, he feels free.
Today, the parties to psychology are returning this, saying that passive aggression can be completely involved and pushing the damaged partner to interrogate their own emotions.
If you catch yourself in the receiving end, consider what you need. Maybe let me say: “I appreciate the apology, but I understand not only the recognition of my feelings.”
3. “Bless your heart.”
This phrase can be said in a tone that just worries anxiety or pity. Frankly, I think it can be really sweet in the right circumstances. But very often, especially when he is delivered by a praise smile or head sponsored, “bless your heart” is modern equivalent. “
Some people accidentally throw it, but I have met many cases where it is used to promote someone’s intelligence or choice. It is a quick way for compassion, while considering that the receiving end person makes a ridiculous mistake.
There was my observation that this phrase appears within the framework of family gatherings and friends. You can say that you are working on a new project, and you listen again. “Oh, bless your heart, it sounds … interesting.” The missing context. “I don’t think it will work, but luck with it.”
The simple way to answer can be: “Thank you for your concern. I actually really feel good about this. ” That gentle pressure can announce that you can see through sweetness plywood.
4. “No offense, but …”
Ever ends well when someone starts a sentence “no insults”. You just know that something offensive is going to follow. It’s a really universal red flag. People can solve it to make good importance but more often than not they flare you for attack.
One day I had a partner who would start every criticism of “no crime, but also that color scheme.” Or, “no offense, but your approach is very naive.” Rapidly rejected, they believed they were released from any reporting of your feelings.
Once Michelle Obama said: “When we go low we are high.” It’s a quotation that I often bring in mind when dealing with this refusal. If someone throws “no offense” in your way, often best calms the underlying content rather than rejection.
Something, “It sounds like you have strong feelings about this. Can we talk about the features? ” Taking the high way does not mean ignoring Jabr. This means that it recognizes it, then by conferring the effective dialogue.
5. “You’re so lucky …”
As a rule, we think as a compliment when someone says: “You are so lucky to have such a beautiful home” or “You are so lucky to work from home.” But it can also be resented. It can mask envy or supposedly that you didn’t get what they didn’t mean that you just slipped on it with luck.
In my practice, I had that customers were disappointed that their achievements have been chalk than effort. A woman told me that she had worked hard in her job, but the sister kept saying. “You have found that position so lucky.” He felt that he was impoverished, as his sister refused to see her hustle and hard work.
When choosing therapy, people say that passive aggression often arises when people catch their insecurities. So the next time you hear the “you are so lucky”, which feels that you may want to gently point to reality. “I really worked hard.”
6. “Wow, you’re so brave to wear.”
We cannot ignore the delicate feedback that crawls in the appearance of appearance. Sometimes a person’s comment on your outfit, your hairstyle or your makeup can come in false praise.
– Wow, you’re so brave wearing that “it meant that your choice is hectic or perceived, mostly that you pass some unnecessary fashion line. Hidden message. “I wouldn’t dare to wear something … is doubtful.”
It’s rude as it looks like a compliment at first sight. But it can leave you shy and trustworthy about you. I remember wearing a brave pair of earrings on time Social event.
The friend smiled and said: “I would never be able to remove it, but you will try so hard.” Suddenly I was a hyperlament of my choice. Did he think that they looked ridiculous?
Susan Cain who widely wrote on the force of invasion and self-consciousness can say that it is necessary to stop and process someone’s words.
Rather than feeling immediately, I prefer to remind me that their interpretation can be derived from their insecure. A simple answer could be: “Thank you, I love them” to keep everything lightly and positively.
7. “It’s good for you.”
This one was probably worth a higher point of the list. “Good for you.” Can, of course, be a real expression of pride or excitement for someone. But when the holiday drips with a condensation or sarcasm, it has a bite that is difficult to ignore.
I’ve often heard that when someone exercises something to another, watches as flawless or trivial. For example, you share that you have started a new exercise mode, and a friend or partner responds. “Oh, it’s good for you.” With a polite smile that leaves you, he thinks that your achievement is stupid.
Maya Angelu once said: “When someone shows who they are, believe them.” That advice applies here. If someone is consistently responding to your victory half “Ok for you” can be a signal that they are not so supportive.
One approach is politely to follow. “Yes, I’m really excited about it” and see if they are sincerely engaged. If they don’t, you know that you will remove their words with salt grain, and you may reconsider yourself or share with them in the future.
Final Thoughts:
Passive aggressive remarks can be harmless, but they can still harm, especially if we do not address them. One day I recorded writing delicate negativity in the relationship and many strategies used here.
The main thing is to recognize the passive aggression when it happens, answer it in a way that it calls it without the escalation of the conflict and maintaining your limits.
None of us were readers of thought, and we have every right to ask for clarity when someone’s words feel like a slap velvet glove. Defining the border can be as simple as saying calmly. “I’m not sure I understand what you mean, we can speak openly.”
If the other person really makes a good meaning, they will clarify. If they intended to condemn, well they might just be bent or defensive. In any case, you have made your part asking for direct communication.
In a relationship. Whether personal or professional-validity and respect goes. We can all slip the passive aggression from time to time, especially when we are stress or uncomfortable. But if we want healthy, happy connections, we must challenge that pattern.
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