For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been fascinated by what makes people tick.
Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and an avid psychology enthusiast.
Throughout my life I have been interested in myself.
– What makes some people irresistibly likable?
– Why do others confuse us the wrong way?
– How does our behavior affect how others perceive us?
But it wasn’t until I got seriously into psychology that it all started to make sense.
There are certain subtle behaviors that highly likable people tend to avoid, while others unconsciously practice them, falling into the “extremely unlikely” category.
In this article, I want to share these 7 subtle behaviors that make a person highly unlikely, according to psychology.
I hope that by understanding and recognizing these behaviors, we can all improve our social interactions and relationships.
Let’s dive right in!
1) They are constantly negative
You know the type. those over whom a perpetual cloud of pessimism seems to hang.
As a psychology enthusiast, I quickly noticed that the most common behavior among many incredible people is their tendency to be negative. They often focus on the bad rather than the good, and they are quick to point out problems without offering solutions.
This constant negativity can consume those around them. It creates a toxic environment and makes it difficult for others to enjoy their company.
Now, we all have bad days, and that’s perfectly normal. But there’s a difference between having a momentary gap and being negative forever. The latter not only hurts your mental health, it alienates people.
If you find yourself in a cycle of negativity, try challenging your perspective. For every negative thought, find a positive one to counter it. This simple exercise can help change your mindset and make you more likable in the process.
2) They lack empathy
Compassion is a quality I have always valued and tried to cultivate in my life.
I remember a time when I was dealing with a particularly difficult situation. One of my colleagues seemed to ignore the difficulties I was going through and often made insensitive remarks.
It wasn’t that they were being rude on purpose, but their lack of empathy made them seem rude and hard to get along with.
As the famous psychologist Carl Rogers once said. “When someone really listens to you without judging you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels so good.”
And that’s what empathy does. It makes people see, listen, and appreciate.
Unfortunately, many unlikable people often lack this important quality. They struggle to understand or share the feelings of others, which can make their interactions with others seem indifferent or dismissive.
Empathy isn’t always easy, especially if we haven’t experienced what someone else is going through, but making an effort to understand and validate others’ feelings can make a world of difference in how we’re perceived.
3) They are self-centered
A few years ago, I had a friend who was incredibly self-absorbed.Our conversations would inevitably revolve around his life, his problems, and his accomplishments. He rarely asked about my life or showed interest in what I had to say.
Over time, it became clear that this was not a friendship of mutual respect and interest, but a one-sided relationship where his needs and desires took precedence over everything else.
Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon trait among highly unlikely people.
This self-centered behavior can make it difficult for others to connect with them on a deeper level or enjoy their company. After all, relationships are all about give and take, and when one is always taking, it can leave the other unheard and unappreciated.
If you find yourself dominating conversations or focusing only on your own needs, it may be time to step back and work on becoming more attentive to the needs and feelings of others.
4) They ignore the ideas of others
At a previous job, I had a boss who was known for rejecting other people’s ideas. It didn’t matter how good your pitch was; if it wasn’t his idea, it’s not worth thinking about.
This behavior made the team feel undervalued and stifled creativity.Not surprisingly, this boss was not the most pleasant person in the office.
The study, titled The Dominance Dilemma. do women really prefer dominant mates.” emphasized that dismissive behavior not only makes someone less attractive as a potential partner.
So if you want to be more likeable, be sure to appreciate and consider the ideas of those around you. sometimes it’s about being open, respectful and encouraging of others.
5) They are overly critical
Remember the old saying. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” That’s advice some people can stand to take more to heart.
I once had a friend who was extremely judgmental.Whether it was the food at a restaurant, the music at a party, or even the clothes someone was wearing, they always had something negative to say.
This constant criticism made people uncomfortable and hurt their feelings.Over time, this friend became more and more isolated as people began to avoid their company.
An overly critical attitude is often seen in highly critical people. They find fault with others and are not afraid to voice their negative opinions.
Constructive criticism can be helpful and necessary, but when it becomes excessive and unkind, it can damage a relationship and make a person very unlikable.
So the next time you feel the urge to criticize, stop for a moment and ask yourself if your criticism is constructive and necessary, or if it’s better not to say it.
6) They don’t respect boundaries
A few years ago, I had a neighbor who had a knack for showing up unannounced at the most inconvenient times, showing up early in the morning or late at night, completely ignoring my personal space and time.
Their disrespect for my boundaries was frustrating and made them unpleasant to be around.
Respecting others’ physical and emotional boundaries is important to maintaining a healthy relationship, but many abusive people often struggle with this by invading personal space, making inappropriate comments, or demanding time and attention without regard for the other person’s comfort or needs.
As respected psychologist Dr. Brene Brown says, “Having the courage to set boundaries means having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.”
Ignoring or not respecting boundaries not only makes someone unlikable, but also shows a lack of empathy and understanding.It’s important to remember that everyone has their own boundaries and comfort zones, and they should be respected.
7) They are extremely consistent
This one might surprise you.After all, aren’t likable people supposed to be nice?
Well, yes and no.
There is a huge difference between being genuinely nice and being overly nice just to please others.
I once knew someone who would always agree with everyone on everything, even when it was clear they didn’t really mean it. Their desire to avoid conflict and be liked by everyone actually had the opposite effect. People began to regard them as insincere and untrustworthy.
Many unlikable people often fall into the trap of being too nice because they think it will make them more liked, but in reality, people value authenticity and honesty more than insincere agreement.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind and stand your ground when necessary.It’s possible to respectfully disagree with someone without causing conflict.
Practical tip: The next time you find yourself on the verge of reaching a mindless agreement with someone, take a moment to consider your true feelings on the matter and express them honestly. You might be surprised how much respect you can earn by being true to yourself.
Conclusion
Understanding this subtle behavior of highly unlikely people can be eye-opening.It’s not about judging others, it’s about understanding our own behavior and how it might be perceived by those around us.
Remember, no one is perfect. We all have moments when we can become unlikable. The key is to recognize these behaviors and make a conscious effort to change them.
My advice.
Practice compassion, respect boundaries, and strive for authenticity. Be mindful of your interactions with others and aim to create positive, respectful relationships.
And most importantly, remember that being likable isn’t about pleasing everyone, it’s about being true to yourself and treating others with kindness and respect.