I was struggling in arguments. No matter how strong my point was, I always felt that I was walking for words, or just giving up.
People had never seen me, especially sharp or fast-faster. And honestly. I wasn’t too.
But then I began to pay attention to how big debates, negotiators and even randomly persuasive people do. I took some simple tricks. Nothing complicated, just the small approaches of the approach and suddenly everything changed.
Now I’m staying under a quiet pressure, I make my points with confidence and almost always walk from the upper hand. The best part. Anyone can do it.
Here are 8 tricks that have been all the differences for me.
1) staying quietly to people
Arguments can warm up quickly. When feelings are high, logic seeks to get out of the window, and that’s when people start to make mistakes.
I got into this trap so much to raise my voice, being defensive or disillusioning the best of me. But once I learned to stay calm, everything changed.
People expect an argument. They are ready for tension. But when you remain made up, it throws them. It makes them second to guess their feedback and often makes them slow down.
You are your vacation, the more you have control over the conversation. And when you control, you are already one step ahead.
2) Giving you the right questions controls you
I thought that the quarrel defeated everything the best points and made them a great shipping. But then I realized something. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is asking the right question at the right time.
I remember a debate that I had about the deadline for the program with a partner. They insisted that we were pushing it back, saying that there was no way to go on time to end. Instead of quarreling my side, I just asked. “What does delay mean?”
That question changed everything. They hesitated, realizing that real obstacle is not really real, just a common feeling that it can be too much work. Suddenly I didn’t protect my position. They now explained theirs, and doing so, they began to see the shortcomings of their dispute.
A well-installed question makes people clarify their position and more often than not, it reveals weak spots that they didn’t even have even considered. When you control the questions, you control the conversation.
3) Silence makes people uncomfortable
Most people hate silence in conversation, especially in the quarrel. The moment when a pause is, they feel the urge to fill it often through to explain, delay or discover something.
In fact, studies have shown that only a few seconds of silence can make people so much restless to guess the second. That’s why skilled negotiators and interviews use silence as a tool, they know that the longer the other person is waiting.
To answer instead, try to stop a break for a few seconds after the other person speaks. Let their words depend on the air. More often than no they will jump to find out or mitigate their position by giving you more levers.
4) Repeating their words makes them review
People don’t always hear how their arguments sound until they have responded. A simple but powerful trick to repeat the main parts that someone has just said to a word or slightly reduced version.
If someone claims: “This plan will never work because it is extremely complicated.
This is doing two things. First of all, it makes them really consider their own words, sometimes realizing that their argument is not strong enough. Second, it shows that you listen carefully, which can make them more careful about what they say.
The best part. You don’t even dispute. You’re just holding a mirror. And sometimes, that’s all you need to move the conversation in your favor.
5) Reducing your voice makes people hear
I thought that if I wanted to hear in the argument, I had to speak loudly. But the more attention I paid to the big communists, the more I realized that they were the opposite. They lowered their votes.
I tried for the first time I was in disagreement with a friend. Instead of matching their growing tone, I spoke deliberately slowly and softly. Almost immediately, they stopped talking to me and began to rely, I actually heard what I said.
The increase in your voice is an increase in emotional response, but it reduces the confidence and control. It makes people silence and pay attention, not because you have demanded it, but because your tone made it feel that they had to feel.
6) Accepting small weaknesses makes you more convincing
Most people argue, trying to seem to seem to be flawless, saying even the smallest weakness will become. But oddly, the opposite is often true.
I found that when I accept a minor shortcoming with my argument before the other person can call it, it seems more trustworthy. It disarms them. Instead of feeling that they have to pour my point, they start to see me as reasonable, which makes them more open to what they said.
Saying such a thing: It moves the dynamic to the discussion from March – one that you are in your favor.
7) The use of their name changes the tone
People react differently when they listen to their name. It attracts their attention, makes them recognize and gently move the tone of conversation.
I started using it with arguments and the difference was immediate. Instead of saying. “It simply came to our notice then. It’s just that little change made the conversation more personal and less felt less in battle.
Someone’s name alleviates tension and makes them feel how you talk to them, not them. And when people feel recognized, they are much more likely to actually listen.
8) After leaving your point of view, remaining quiet is the ultimate motion of force
Most people feel that you need to talk about their argument, as if adding more words will make it stronger. But in fact, the most effective thing you can do is say what needs to be said, then stop.
I used to explain before trying to make sure that the other person really understood my opinion. But all this gave them more opportunities to foam holes in my quarrel.
One day I started making my job, and then left the silence, I noticed something interesting. People started filling their gaps, sometimes I even convinced that I am right.
When you talk confidently, then you are silent, it makes the other person sitting with what you say. And that’s when your words have the most effect.
Winning is not the tallest
If you have read this distance, you probably noticed that the simplest people in arguments do not have to talk to the most or highest.
In fact, the real control of the conversation comes from understanding how people think of how they react, and how much the small changes of your approach are completely changing the result.
It’s not about dominating others. It’s about to stay calm, choosing your words carefully and knowing that silence speaks louder than everything.
After starting the application of these tricks, you realize that having the upper hand is not to force your way through an argument. It’s about guiding it without the other person.