I thought emotional intelligence was all about being kind, compassionate and good listeners.
But over time, I realized that it was as much as we gave the answers we gave.
Some issues reveal curiosity and emotional awareness. Meanwhile others reveal the full lack of it.
The complex part. Most people don’t even realize when they ask for a mistake.
If someone asks these seven questions, the chances are struggling with emotional intelligence more than they think.
1) “Why are you so emotional?”
This question may seem innocent, but it often meets as a rejection.
Emotions are not a fixed problem. They are a natural feedback for experimenting. When someone asks that, they actually invalidate the other person’s feelings, instead of understanding.
People with high emotional intelligence do not embody others for their emotions. Instead, they accept them and sympathize with compassion.
A better approach. Instead of questioning why someone feels a certain way, try to ask what you can do to support them.
2) “You can’t just get to it.”
I remember venting a friend about the hard situation of work. I was not looking for solutions. I just needed to let it.
But instead of listening, they sighed and said: “You just can’t get it disappeared.”
At that moment, I completely closed. Instead of listening, I felt my emotions were inconvenience.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that treatment is not a moment. They are not in a hurry to “move” others just because they are uncomfortable with conversation.
A better answer. Something is as simple as “it really disappoints. Do you want to talk more about it? ” can make all the difference.
3) “Why are you interested so much?”
I’ve heard this question more times than I can count.
Usually it says that smirk, like caring is a weakness, such as feelings automatically means that you are exaggerating.
But here is the truth. Caring is not the problem. It is to remove people from work.
Emotional intelligent people do not weaken others to feel deep. They don’t put someone or their emotions too much.
They realize that passion, anxiety and compassion are strong, not shortcomings.
4) “Why are you still talking about it?”
If someone brings something more than one, it’s probably that it’s still important to them.
The problem does not leave them on this issue. It just says you don’t want to hear.
Emotional intelligent people understand that some things take time. They don’t rush conversations just because they are ready to move forward.
Instead of throwing someone down, try to ask: “Is this still weighing you? I’m here if you have to talk. ” That small shift can make all the differences.
5) “Don’t you think you’re overthrowing that?”
Our brain is tense to analyze the problems. Sometimes even more than we would like. In fact, research shows that a person’s mind produces about 6,000 thoughts a day.
So when someone is stuck in the failure cycle, it’s not because they want to be, that’s what their brain is trying to make sense to something important.
Removing them from work “Do you fail” does not help? It just makes them wireless.
Emotionally smart people do not brush others’ concerns. Instead, they ask. “What’s on your mind? Let’s work together together. “
6) “Why are you not just happy?”
Not all struggles have an easy correction. Every bad day cannot be turned around, with a simple way of thinking.
Happiness is not a switch, someone can flip. It’s a feeling that comes and goes like any other emotion.
When someone goes something hard, they don’t have to say “just be happy.” They need support, patience and understanding.
A better approach. Saying: “I’m here for you. You don’t have to pass this alone. ” Sometimes, that’s someone to listen.
7) “Why are you always doing things about you?”
Sometimes people talk about their own experience to tell: “I have also been there.”
It’s not selfish. It’s a man.
Of course, there is a difference between compassion and making everything compassion. But by allowing the worst in someone. It turns off the connection before it even has the opportunity to grow.
Emotional intelligent people do not apply for judgment. They listen, reflect, and they give others the advantage of doubt.
Bottom line
Emotional intelligence is not about having a perfect answer. It’s about to make a place to understand.
The way we express our questions can or open the door to the deeper connection or completely close it.
If you have previously asked some of these questions, don’t be too hard to yourself. Awareness is the first step in growth.
The next time someone shares something with you, pause before you pause. Instead of questioning their emotions, try to understand them. Instead of firing their feelings, know them.
A little more patience, a little more compassion. That’s the difference.