Finding the right person is often like looking for a needle in a haystack.
There is a lot of trial and error involved and it can be easy to get discouraged and start to doubt yourself.
Like many, I have spent a significant portion of my life navigating the complex dance of relationships.
Along the way, I tripped, fell, and learned some valuable lessons.
But what if the key to finding the right person isn’t about the search, but about self-reflection and personal growth?
What if some common mistakes stand in our way without us even realizing it?
I discovered that sometimes we are our own way.
Here are nine common mistakes you might be making if you never seem to find the right person.
1) You really don’t listen
Listening is more than just hearing the words someone says.
It’s about understanding, compassion and connecting on a deeper level.
However, in our fast-paced world, we often forget to truly listen to the people around us.
We are so focused on our own narrative, our thoughts and perceptions that we sometimes fail to recognize and understand the perspectives of others.
This can lead to miscommunications, misunderstandings, and missed opportunities to connect with the right people.
I’ve learned that real listening involves putting aside our own prejudices and really listening to what the other person is trying to communicate.
Conversation is about being present, empathetic, and responding thoughtfully.
Real connection requires understanding.
And understanding comes from really listening.
If you’re not finding the right person, it might be because you’re not really listening.
Practice active listening and you’ll open up a whole new world of communication.
So pause, pay attention, and really listen.
You might be surprised at what you discover.
2) You cling to past failures
We’ve all been there: past relationships that didn’t work out, heartbreaks and disappointments.
It’s easy to carry these experiences forward into our future relationships, creating a protective barrier around ourselves to avoid being hurt again.
But holding on to past failures can prevent you from fully engaging with new people and opportunities.
It can lead you to make assumptions and judgments based on your past, rather than seeing the person in front of you for who they really are.
I’ve learned that every relationship, successful or not, is an opportunity to grow and learn.
By releasing past failures, we make room for new experiences and connections.
As the great Maya Angelou once said, “You can’t control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
It’s time to let go of the failures of the past and embrace the potential of the present.
Don’t let your past dictate your future.
Research supports this view by showing that individuals who talk about past relationship failures may experience increased anxiety and decreased satisfaction in future relationships.
3) Are you looking for the perfect partner?
We often enter relationships with preconceived notions of the perfect partner.
This can frustrate us because we ignore the real, beautiful flawed individuals in our lives in pursuit of an unrealistic ideal.
What if instead we focus on authenticity, connection and mutual respect?
What if we realized that our external relationships mirror our relationships with ourselves?
I studied this transformative approach in depth while preparing the master class “The Art of Love and Intimacy” with shaman Ruda Iande.
It’s a free offering that challenges social conditioning around love and intimacy, enabling you to break free from toxic cycles and develop deeper connections.
By attending the master class, you will gain insights that will allow you to take control of your personal development and transform your relationships.
It’s a powerful tool that guides you to let go of unrealistic ideals and embrace true connections.
Watch The Art of Love and Intimacy Master Class Now!
It’s time to stop looking for the perfect and start embracing real, meaningful connections.
4) You don’t accept your true self
Relationships are about connection, but how can someone really connect with you if you’re not being your true self?
When we hide behind a facade, we risk attracting people who connect with the image we project rather than the person we really are.
I’ve been there, wearing masks, trying to fit into someone else’s notion of perfection.
But this approach is far from being realized. It is exhausting, unfulfilling and ultimately unsustainable.
Embracing your true self in a relationship means showing up for who you really are, with all your strengths and weaknesses.
It means owning your story and respecting yourself enough to share it honestly.
Being your true self can be scary.
It takes courage to show vulnerability and accept our imperfections.
But when you do, you open the door to genuine connections with people who love and accept you for who you really are.
So ask yourself. Are you showing up as your true self in your relationships?
Or are you hiding behind a mask?
5) You focus too much on finding “The One”.
Society often paints a picture of the perfect romantic trip, where everyone has a destined soulmate, “The One,” waiting for them.
This idea can lead us to believe that when we find that person, all our problems will disappear and life will be blissful.
But the reality is completely different.
The idea of ”the one” can create unrealistic expectations and pressures, leading us to ignore amazing people who don’t fit this idealized mold.
In fact, research shows that believing in spirits can contribute to relationship dissatisfaction and a greater likelihood of relationship dissolution.
Remember that relationships are about growth, learning and connection.
The right person for you is not the one who completes you, but the one who inspires you to complete yourself.
By focusing on becoming the best version of you, you can attract the right people into your life.
Basically, instead of looking for “The One”, strive to be “The One” for yourself.
The journey to finding the right person starts with you.
So focus on self development and personal development.
It is the true path to meaningful connections.
6) You ignore your intuition
In our quest to find the right person, we often focus on external indicators such as looks, social status, or job titles.
In doing so, we can ignore our intuition, that intuition that tells us when something is off or when it’s right.
I’ve learned the hard way that ignoring my intuition can lead to painful lessons.
It is that inner voice that often knows before our awareness what is best for us.
This is a guide that can help us avoid people and situations that are not conducive to our personal growth.
Trusting your intuition means listening to your inner voice and honoring its wisdom.
It takes self-awareness and courage, but it’s an important tool in finding the right person.
On the way to finding the right person, remember to trust and listen to your intuition.
It’s often wiser than you think.
7) You are not open to change
Change is an inevitable part of life.
We grow, evolve, and so do our wants and needs.
However, when it comes to relationships, we often resist change out of fear or comfort.
This resistance can prevent us from meeting new people or exploring different types of relationships.
It can keep us stuck in unhealthy patterns or relationships that no longer serve us.
Embracing change means being open-minded and adaptable.
It means realizing that the right person for you now may not be the right person in the future.
8) You don’t set clear boundaries
Boundaries are a crucial aspect of any healthy relationship.
They help define what is acceptable behavior and what is not.
However, many of us hesitate to set clear boundaries for fear that it might alienate people.
I’ve learned that setting boundaries isn’t about being rigid or controlling, it’s about respecting one’s own needs and well-being.
It’s about communicating your expectations clearly and standing up for yourself when those boundaries are crossed.
Research has shown that individuals with high self-control, which includes the ability to set and maintain personal boundaries, experience greater relationship satisfaction, less conflict, and improved communication with their partners.
If you don’t find the right person, explore your limits.
Are they clear?
Are they respected?
Setting clear boundaries is a fundamental step in attracting the right person into your life.
9) You don’t live up to your values
Often we compromise our values to fit into someone else’s world.
This can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction and disconnection as we live out of alignment with our core beliefs.
Living your values means prioritizing what is truly important to you and not compromising on those aspects.
It means looking for people who share those values and respect them.
If you’re struggling to find the right person, consider whether you’re living in alignment with your values.
The right person will respect and align with your values, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic connection.
Reflections on finding the right person
Throughout this article, we’ve delved into the common mistakes people make when trying to find the right person.
We’ve found that focusing on self-development, authenticity, and listening to our intuition are important steps in this journey.
We also shed light on the importance of being open to change, setting clear boundaries, and living up to our values.
Our relationships are a mirror of our inner world.
By transforming ourselves, we can change the way we relate to others.
This shift isn’t easy, but it’s worth it, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic relationship.
As a further step in this direction, I recommend the free “The Art of Love and Intimacy” master class with Ruda Iande.
As one of the founders of The Vessel, I have seen firsthand how this masterclass has helped people transform their approach to relationships.
In the masterclass, Rudá Iandê challenges social conditioning around love and intimacy, giving you the opportunity to break free from toxic cycles.
It aligns perfectly with the insights we’ve shared here and provides practical exercises that allow you to take control of your personal development.
By watching this masterclass, you will gain valuable insights and tools to help you develop deeper and more meaningful relationships.
It’s a transformative experience that fits perfectly with the principles we’ve uncovered here.
Finding the right person starts with being the right person.
By focusing on self-improvement and personal development, you not only improve your chances of finding the right person, you create a better life for yourself.