We all want strong, meaningful relationships with our children.
But sometimes, despite our best efforts, we feel a distance that is difficult to explain.
The truth is that keeping close communication is not only about love and good intentions. It is also about the little things that we do (or do not) every day, often without their impact.
Some habits can slowly push our children, even when we think we are doing the right thing. And the hardest part. Most of us don’t see it happens until that gap doesn’t feel too wide to cross.
If you have ever wondered why your relationship with your child feels tense, can be these eight delicate but powerful behaviors.
1) They don’t really hear
It is important to talk to your children, but it’s even more to listen to them.
It’s easy to assume that we know what they are trying to say or brush their concerns small or insignificant.
But when children feel neglected, they stop opening. In time, they learn to share their thoughts and feelings nowhere, so they start to keep things instead of themselves.
The complex part. Most parents don’t realize that they do it. They can be deviated to give very fast tips or just not giving their child the time to fully express their time.
But the real connection comes from feeling their understanding. It means putting the phone, making the eye contact and really listening to just waiting for your turn to speak.
2) They remove their child’s feelings
I will never forget when my daughter came with tears to me because her best friend didn’t want to sit with her at dinner. Without thinking, I said. “Oh, don’t be upset with it. It’s not a big deal. Will you be friends again tomorrow? “
I meant well. I wanted to comfort her to help her cross the pain. Instead, I looked at his face when he quietly hide and left. At that moment, I realized what I did. I had fired their feelings instead of validating them.
Children experience feelings as deep as we do, even if their problems seem large among adults. When we brush their worries, no matter how insignificant we think, we teach them that their emotions do not matter.
In time, this creates a distance. They cease to come to us because they really haven’t seen or heard.
I learned now to answer otherwise. I say. “I say it’s really hard. Do you want to talk about it? ” And that’s just how he knows I’m in his corner.
3) They try to fix everything
When a child shares their struggle, many parents jump live in a solution mode. It is natural instinct. We don’t want to see that our children are damaged, so we search solutions immediately.
But it can really cause more harm than good to them. Studies show that children develop stronger emotional flexibility when they are given space to work through their challenges, not immediately to have an adult step.
Of course, the guide and support are important. But sometimes children don’t need answers. Just need to hear.
Instead of offering a solution, try to ask. “You want tips or just want me to listen?” More often than not, they will appreciate the opportunity to develop their feelings on their own conditions.
4) They expect perfection
No parent thinks. “I expect my baby to be perfect.” But sometimes our words and reactions send that message.
When children feel that they need to meet impossible high standards. Whether it is at school, sports or behavior. They can start not to disappoint their struggle.
Over time, this can create an emotional distance because they start to see us as someone they have to impress than someone they can apply for support.
Errors and failures grow up. Instead of focusing only on achievements, it is important to celebrate efforts, progress and flexibility. The more children feel safe to allow mistakes around you, the more likely they approach and continue to share their world with you.
5) They do not accept when they are wrong
I thought that a good parent means to always have the right answers, always knowing the best.
But the truth is that I made many mistakes when I was too tough, I was too impatient or just wrong.
For a long time I struggled to accept those moments to my children. I thought I was “sorry” to let me weak or destroy my reputation. But what I did not realize was that the refusal to refuse was our mistakes, it was a distance between us.
Children notice more than we think. When we confuse and don’t take responsibility, they just don’t forget about it, they remember. Over time, it teaches them that it is not to be guilty of this family.
Now that I’m too many calls I try to achieve it. A simple “I shouldn’t have said that” or “I was wrong, and I’m sorry, it’s a long way to build trust. If I want my children to be open and honest with me, I have to be ready to do the same.
6) They give too many tips
It seems that giving advice will be one of the best ways to join your child, in the end, is our job guiding them?
But sometimes too many tips can actually remove them. When each conversation turns into a class, the children begin to feel how they are lectured than understandable.
Instead of supporting us instead, they can start keeping things just to avoid “this is what you need to do.”
I learned that what children often need is no advice. It’s a safe place to express. Instead of jumping immediately, I try to ask questions, “What do you think you should do?” Or just saying: “It looks really tough.”
More often than no, they understand things on their own but they still know I’m here when I need me.
7) They share anything about themselves
We spend so much time trying to understand our children. What do they like, how do they feel? What’s going on in their world?
But how often do we allow them to see our world?
It is easy to have a habit only to ask questions and to share something in exchange for it. But when children don’t know much about you, your thoughts, your experience, even your fight, they can start feeling that the relationship is one sided.
The opening does not mean to prefer or aggravate them with adult problems. It just means letting you see that you are also a man.
Telling about their error during their work, a funny story of your childhood, or even a little bit like a little bit like a book you are reading, can make a big difference.
When children feel that you know you, not only as a parent, but as a person, it strengthens the bond, which will never be able to constantly strengthen in question.
8) They do not give time for real communication
Love is not enough for relationships to have a strong time and attention as much.
It is easy to assume that being around your child means spending time with them, but the real connection does not happen in the moments of everyday life. It happens when you are fully present. When you put deviations, go out of everyday life and really deal with them.
Children know when they have all your attention and when they are not. It is in the center of unexplored focus for a few minutes, or to play a walk or just to sit and talk, it can mean more than time spent in the same room.
If there is something that keeps the relationship strong, this is. It’s time for your child, such as the most important person in the world, because you are for them.
Why are most small moments
If you have read this distance, you will probably care about your child’s relationship with your child, and it is already putting you on the right track.
Parentity is not about being perfect. The word will be present, paying attention and wanting to grow by your child.
As it is not close connections or great gestures in the end. It’s everyday moments. Talks on the dinner table, the way they talk when they talk about the times you need the most.
Those little moments. They add a much greater thing. And they are those who will remember.