It’s no secret that our relations with our parents can be created by most of our adults. Some of us remain incredibly close, and others prefer to love their parents from afar or in general. But whatever emotional gap actually contributes to this emotional gap.
I sit in my consulting practice in my advisory practice with long-term feelings about their upbringing. Many of them told me the stories of the parents that were emotionally distanced, too critical or even absent.
In time, I began to see for example, in these stories, some experiences that consistently show people who just do not feel close to their parents.
So let’s dive into this general experience. If you see yourself in any of these items you are too far away. Sometimes realizing the main reason for this emotional failure is the first step towards us to better understand us.
And if you want to know more, I wrote a book by breaking the app. How to overcome code dependence in your relationship that our ideas can affect all kinds of adults.
1. Emotional ignorance during childhood
Emotional ignorance can be delicate, and it does not always attract active abuse or hard treatment. Sometimes, what is it about was not to say or done. I remember a customer telling me how his father never asked about his day or how he feels after school. Physically, he was there. But emotionally, he was a light years.
It is very important that this idea returns to the children who grow by emotional ignorance often to understand their own feelings. They can brush frustrations or bury their needs because they have learned their emotions are not valued.
Fast forwards reached adults, it becomes easier to keep parents with a arm length, because that deep emotional connection is never really nourished first.
2. Extremely authoritarian parent style
You always said that “first obey, ask questions later.” Or maybe you didn’t even let you ask Questions: Authoritarian style is inclined to focus on the rules, obedience and sometimes punishment on open discussion.
When you grow up in that environment, you can develop a fear-based relationship with your parents, not kindly, trusting someone.
It’s not that these parents never took care of. But often it turns off because emotions and personality were not priority. One of my customers described his mother as a “guard.” He said: “I felt safer enough to say nothing about my life.” Such a dynamic prevents real approach.
Bren Brown said. “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels courage.” But vulnerability in the authoritarian economy is the last thing you feel enough to display. In time, that emotional wall becomes a whole castle.
3. Minimum open communication
Open communication is the bridge that connects people. If parents do not encourage it, children never learn to cross that bridge. Maybe there were no regular family dinner, or if it were, everyone was glued to the screen or rushed to do something else. Or maybe when you important Share your feelings have been released.
Today, there is a psychology today, noting that the lack of open communication in childhood can lead to the feelings of struggle and life needs. Think about it. If you have never had practice, securely sharing your thoughts, or if your ideas were shot, you eventually stopped trying.
As adults, it can feel natural to keep your parents out of your inner world because they have never been honest, they never invited it first.
4. High conflict environment
Have you ever walked around your family on an ovy? Maybe the mother and father argued or unleashed the arguments without warning. In a high conflict environment, you are often too busy to protect yourself or with younger siblings and siblings. You learn how to survive the day than to strengthen ties.
I can remember that I grow up with a friend whose parents fought so that it was a competitive sport. He would smash around the house, making sure that he did not think other stages. This constant tension can cause an anxiety level that makes emotional approach difficult. After all, it’s hard to connect with someone you have come to contact stress and conflict.
5. Unpredictable or inappropriate behavior
Have you ever been around anyone whose mood makes swings as rolling? For a moment they are happy. Next, they are furious. The discrepancy can be incredibly destabilized for the child. We rely on our parents, our anchor, our safe haven. When it is not there, we subconsciously withdrawal to protect themselves.
The staff in the sanatorium stressed that unpredictable behavior, suddenly fragile to unknown emotional displays can make children feel chronic anxiety. In turn, they do not know to trust the loving party or the bracelet for the critical side.
This emotional Yo-Yo can become so exhaustive that it’s easier and sometimes healthier to keep it far enough.
6. Lack of compassion or emotional camera
Empathy is the magic quality that makes you feel and understand. Without it, children often feel lonely, even if they are physically surrounded by family.
Daniel Golman widely wrote about emotional intelligence, emphasizing that compassion is one of his main components. It’s not just about listening. It’s really about straining the emotional frequency of the other person.
When the parents are fired, they laugh or even punish the emotional expressions of the child, that child learns that being vulnerable is meaningless or dangerous. As an adult, you can have a disgusting meaning, your parents will never really “get” because they never tried first. Therefore, the real connection can feel hopeless.
7. The adult roles were soon forced
Sometimes they are called “Parenthood”, this is where the child walks to the role of the camels and even his own parents. Perhaps one parent was missing or the household didn’t just succeed well, and you found yourself dinner and laundry at nine.
Maya Angelu once said: “I keep myself with the love of the family.” But if you were the maintenance, you might not have received that love. When children suffer adult responsibilities, it can be annoyed and a sense of sense of looting from a normal childhood.
It is not careless that he was careless, loving your parents, loving him when you were too busy like a home man.
8. Example of criticism or embarrassment
I’m big to keep up to the end, friends. Permanent criticism and embarrassment leave deep scars. It can be a delicate comment about your weight or classes. Either it could be open where you do nothing, it’s ever good. When a parent gives a child a child, it certainly falls for self-esteem and stimulates a sense of deficiency.
Michelle Obama shared once. But if you agree to believe that you are never enough, it’s hard to do. You can spend your adult trying to authenticate yourself to the effect of your family.
And if your parents still criticize each of your steps. Well, it’s not shocking to put tall walls around your heart to keep them out.
Final Thoughts:
In my case, as a consultant, I have seen these eight experiences in time and again in the stories of customers who feel far away from their parents. It’s not about pointing fingers.
Often parents just go through the tools they give (or lack of it). However, when you recognize these patterns in your own life, you have the opportunity to break the cycle.
Treatment does not always mean that you will magically develop close contact with your parents. Sometimes treatment is similar to acceptance, boundaries, or just choosing a parental other style if you have your own children.
At other times, it can mean by the feelings of anger or sadness in therapy, confidently with reliable friends, or even family members, if doing so.
Wherever you find in this journey, remember that self esteem is your ally. As I mentioned in the past post to install healthy boundaries (maybe you read my post on it), your peace is not selfish to protect your peace. You deserve to feel all and appreciated, no matter what your parents have done or didn’t make a child.
After signing up.