Family relationships can be complicated, right?
Especially as children get older, the dynamics often change in ways that are hard to predict.
If you’ve ever wondered why some parents and their adult children seem to bond while others struggle to stay connected, the answer may lie in the little things — seemingly innocuous behaviors that can slowly develop over time. destroy intimacy.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how certain patterns can create distance without anyone realizing it.
Today we’ll explore six common behaviors that often get in the way of a deep connection between parents and their adult children.
Curious? Let’s dive in and see if any of these habits resonate at home.
1) They don’t validate their feelings
One of the key ways to build a healthy relationship with anyone, including your adult children, is to validate their feelings.
Validation is acknowledging and acknowledging someone’s feelings and experiences, even if they differ from your own. It’s about saying, “I see you, I hear you, and what you feel matters.”
Parents who do not have a close relationship with their adult children often miss this important step. They may ignore their children’s feelings or try to solve the problem without really understanding it.
This behavior can make the adult child feel unheard and misunderstood, causing a rift in the relationship. Worse still, as people point out Psych Central consequences may also include insecure attachment and poor coping skills.
Remember that everyone wants to feel validated.If you want to strengthen your bond with your older child, start accepting their feelings without judgment or unsolicited advice.
2) They don’t respect boundaries
Another common behavior I’ve noticed in parents who struggle to bond with their adult children is a lack of respect for boundaries.
This is a huge mistake. As parenting coach and psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein recently wrote Psychology todayy record“Respecting adult children’s boundaries and autonomy is important for fostering mutual respect and trust.”
To share a personal example, I remember my friend’s mother, who constantly interfered in the life of her adult daughter. Whether it was her career choice, her parenting style, or even something as trivial as her cooking methods, her mother always had an opinion and wasn’t shy about voicing it.
This constant intrusion made my girlfriend feel like she was being treated not as an autonomous adult, but as a child who still needed guidance.
It won’t always be easy (which is part of parenting), but respecting boundaries means understanding that your adult child has a life of his own, with separate experiences and challenges.
It involves giving them the opportunity to make their own decisions and learn from them without uninvited interference.It’s definitely a behavior worth cultivating if you want to improve your relationship with your adult children.
3) They communicate poorly
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, yet parents who struggle to maintain close relationships with their adult children often exhibit poor communication habits.
What do I mean by this?
Well, it’s quite a range. Some may become overly critical, or conversely, overly passive. Others may resort to guilt or emotional manipulation to get their point across.
These methods not only fail to convey the intended message, but also create resentment and widen the emotional gap.
Improving your communication skills can go a long way in strengthening your bond with your adult child.It’s about expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly, actively listening, and responding with empathy and respect.
4) They criticize all the time
I think it’s fair to say that all parents want their children to do well in life.
And some do this by offering “constructive criticism.” But when that feedback turns into constant criticism, it can do more harm than good.
What they see as helpful advice can be demeaning or disapproving of their child. Whether it’s about their career choices, their parenting style, their partner, or even their appearance, constant criticism can make grown children feel, that they are never good enough.
Take a step back and think about the following. Are your comments really meant to help, or are they unintentionally damaging your child’s self-esteem?
If you want to bond more closely, focus on celebrating your child’s strengths instead of exacerbating their weaknesses.Encouragement and recognition go a long way in creating a safe and supportive relationship.
5) They hold on to past mistakes
This is big.
Our children will annoy us. There will be times when they embarrass us, hurt us, or make decisions we don’t agree with. That’s just life.
But holding on to these moments—replaying them, bringing them into arguments, or using them as a reason to hold on to love—can quietly destroy a relationship.
Forgiving and moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, it means choosing to prioritize the connection you share over the mistakes made. Letting go of old wounds can open the door to a fuller connection.
6) They avoid vulnerability
Like Brené Brown so beautifully said“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, compassion and creativity. It is a source of hope, compassion, accountability and authenticity.”
Without vulnerability, relationships can feel shallow, lacking the intimacy that comes from truly understanding each other.
However, some parents avoid this with their adult children, keeping their feelings in or refusing to share their fears, struggles, or mistakes.
Sharing your emotions and experiences, not just the triumphs, but also the challenges, invites your child to do the same. It builds trust and develops empathy, showing them that they can come to you not just for advice, but for mutual support and understanding. :
I know it might feel awkward at first, but it’s the key to strengthening your bond.
Finishing it. A relationship is a journey
There’s no denying that family dynamics can be difficult, especially as children grow and relationships develop.
But the good news is that it’s never too late to make meaningful changes.
By identifying and addressing behaviors that can create distance, you can take steps toward creating a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your adult children.
Now is the time to reflect, reset, and reconnect. Your relationship with your adult child is worth it.